As the saying goes, to err is human. This applies to relationships as well.
No relationship is flawless and perfect. One or both partners may make mistakes, both big and small. The health and survival of the relationship depend on how the partners handle them.
Whether one partner is at fault or both, it is imperative in a healthy relationship to face the troubles together as a united front. Acknowledge and accept each other’s flaws and mistakes and express gratitude for the good times. This is the best way forward.
Unfortunately, not everyone believes that this is the right path. Sometimes, one partner may commit mistakes but refuse to apologize. If your girlfriend belongs to this category, it can be tough for you in the relationship. But before you jump to conclusions and blame her, pause a moment to think whether your girlfriend is justified in her actions. She may have her own reasons for taking this stand.
In this article, we will explore the reasons why your girlfriend never apologizes for her mistakes and what you can do about it.
Why is your girlfriend refusing to apologize?
Maybe your girlfriend has always had her way her entire life. She is not accustomed to owning up to her mistakes and making apologies. Blame it on her upbringing or her present circumstances, your girlfriend is who she is.
However, there can be other reasons for your girlfriend’s behavior. Let’s get started.
1. She’s a go-getter
Your girlfriend believes in action and not in talking about it. Even when she makes mistakes, she carries on unaffected. Just because she didn’t apologize doesn’t mean she isn’t aware of her mistake. She has taken note of it and will try her best not to repeat the same.
You may not hear her word of apology but your girlfriend will make it evident through her gestures. She may go overboard to please you. If you come to think about it, apologizing this way is more heartfelt and effective than through words.
2. She is reluctant to admit her mistake
Your girlfriend may be too vain and proud to acknowledge and accept her mistakes. She may consider herself too perfect to make mistakes in the first place. If this is the case, you certainly have trouble on your hands. If you insist on an apology, things are going to go south in a short while.
Patience and understanding on your part can help the situation. If her mistake wasn’t deliberate, turn a blind eye to it. If your girlfriend is good at heart, she will appreciate your gesture and make sure that the mistake is not repeated.
3. You don’t apologize
Your girlfriend may be taking cues from you for not making apologies for mistakes committed. You too make mistakes and never apologize for them. You may be egocentric and don’t feel the need to say sorry. If this is the case, you have no grounds for complaining about her not apologizing.
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” You may not be apologizing because you believe in this. Then, expecting your girlfriend to say sorry isn’t fair.
4. She’s egoistical
Your girlfriend has a huge ego and she finds apologies degrading to herself. She always tries to display a tough exterior even if she’s soft and tender inside. But she has to keep up her tough-guy front and so your girlfriend doesn’t apologize even when she is aware of her mistakes and their effects on you.
You may not have penetrated her exterior tough layer and are familiar with her soft core. You need to work harder to reach this level in the relationship.
5. She has her head high up in the clouds
Your girlfriend may be out of your league and she must be well aware of it. She’s snobbish and condescending in her interactions with you. She’s an affluent person and is not used to apologizing for her mistakes and may feel infuriated when you point out her flaws.
She may turn the tables on you and blame you or even resort to nitpicking behavior. It’s not easy to handle people like this. If you value your relationship, you need to be patient with her. Your girlfriend may realize her mistake later and correct herself but don’t expect her to say sorry.
6. She looks down upon you
She may be suffering from a superiority complex and she considers everyone else, including you, to be inferior to her. She may not respect you or consider you her equal. If this is the case, she may not find it necessary to apologize when she commits mistakes, even if she is aware of her faults.
She may have this attitude towards you because of your diverse background. You were unequal when you met and still remain unequal in the relationship. This is not a healthy situation to be in.
7. She’s not mature
Some people never manage to grow up mentally and emotionally. Though they get older each year, they remain childish and immature. Because of her infantile behavior, your girlfriend fails to grasp the intricacies of a relationship and the implications of her mistakes. Just like a child, she would carry on thinking others would forgive her transgressions without the need for an apology from her. Your age gap may also be a reason for her childish behavior.
If you love her enough, you can be the more mature person in the relationship and leave things be. However, if this is happening too often to ignore, you should talk to her about it and convince her about how her actions and words are affecting you. This may help her mature as an individual.
8. Your girlfriend doesn’t care about rules
A relationship will be healthy and function well when both partners abide by the rules and boundaries. These are not formal ones or written down but are evolved through discussions. However, when one partner refuses to play by the rules of the relationship, it can be hard for the other.
Your girlfriend is a free bird and does whatever she pleases. She’s not bound by the norms of society. Maybe she hooked up with you because you have a similar outlook. If this is the case, you need to keep up your end of the bargain.
9. Your girlfriend doesn’t care about the consequences
Nobody taught her the right behavior while interacting with others since childhood. She just continued the same irresponsible ways into her adulthood. Your girlfriend doesn’t bother about how her actions and words are hurting others. Also, your girlfriend doesn’t feel the need to say sorry and correct her ways.
Maybe you can teach her what she should have learned a long time ago. You need to be patient and understanding to make her follow the rules. If you are a mature person, you will find a way to make this happen.
10. It’s her upbringing
As a child, your girlfriend was never taught to consider others’ conveniences and feelings. She never learned to accept or apologize for her mistakes. Among her friends, she is known for her brash and uncivil behavior. But you were absolutely shocked to see her behave this way.
If you knew about this before you started dating her, you have no reason to complain now. But if you were unaware of it, you can only make the best of the situation. You can be patient and try to teach her the basics of good behavior. If she is unwilling to learn, you don’t have too many options left.
11. She’s selfish
All your girlfriend can think about is her own feelings. She isn’t bothered about how others are affected by her actions and words. She’s only worried about her happiness and peace of mind. She has always been like this and your girlfriend doesn’t show any inclination to change her ways.
A relationship with such a girl is hard to manage. Her callous attitude is bound to impact your mental health. Try to make her understand how you feel. If she’s refusing to get off her high horse, it’s time you reconsidered your priorities.
12. She’s arrogant and controlling
Your relationship was never on equal footing. Your girlfriend always dominated the relationship, while you were content to be the submissive one. She feels apologies are for the weak-minded and she’s not one. So, she never apologizes.
She has the impression that if she apologizes, she will lose the upper hand in the relationship. Then, she will no longer be in control. This is something she can’t tolerate. She may have seen someone go through this firsthand and promised herself that she will never be the submissive partner.
13. She’s malicious and toxic
Your girlfriend has so much negativity in her mind that she’s always thinking up ways to make you feel unhappy and inferior. She’s not interested in a loving, peaceful, and harmonious relationship. She thrives by making others sad and miserable. In short, she’s sadistic.
You will be able to continue in a relationship with her only if you don’t care about your own happiness and peace of mind.
14. She’s rude and hard-hearted
Your girlfriend is beautiful and smiling outside but she’s inconsiderate and insensitive inside. You may have been attracted by her lovely exterior but you will find it hard to tolerate her uncaring ways. Some may say she has no attributes of a woman.
This is what happens when you go only by the exterior. Talk to her and see if she can see your viewpoint. If not, the best option for you is to walk out of the relationship.
15. You fell short of expectations
Your girlfriend may have had high hopes for you when the relationship began. She was hoping you would reciprocate her feelings and appreciate her for who she is. Even if you liked her, you never made your feelings known to her. She was left dissatisfied with the relationship.
She felt that you were taking her for granted. Maybe she tried telling you how it is affecting her. But you refused to change your ways. Now, her actions are in retaliation for your uncaring ways. Take the cue and try changing your ways. She may also stop being rude.
How to deal with an unapologizing girlfriend?
Despite making mistakes, if your girlfriend refuses to apologize to you, taking a retaliatory approach can only make matters worse. If you care for her and value the relationship, you should try to initiate an open conversation with her. Make her aware of how her behavior is affecting you. If your girlfriend wasn’t aware of her actions and words, this would be enough for her to change her ways.
Here are a few suggestions for you to try.
- Let her know how you feel about it.
- Give her the silent treatment.
- Help her find a therapist/counselor.
- Give her a book on the benefits of humility.
- Take a short break in the relationship.
- Learn to stand your ground.
- Recognize and appreciate her contributions.
- Look at her through a rose-tinted lens.
- Never choose to give her tit for tat.
- Include her in your social circle and activities.
- Make efforts to gain her trust.
- Check her background to understand her better.
- Take steps to purge the toxicity from your life.
The Bottom Line
Your girlfriend doesn’t apologize to you when she makes mistakes. If you have tried to make her understand that this isn’t right, but it is not helping, you can try to avoid the need for an apology. You can refine your own behavior which will help improve the relationship environment. Even without any more effort, your girlfriend may change for the better.
When your girlfriend is not saying sorry, don’t jump to conclusions and blame her entirely for it. Give her love, care, and the attention your girlfriend deserves, and things might fall into place without doing anything more.