When you pop the question about signing a prenup before marriage, your girlfriend may balk at inking her name. Why might your future spouse hesitate to sign?
This article outlines common emotional reasons and logical concerns. As her caring partner, understanding her perspective can enable meaningful dialogue. Content also includes constructive approaches to address worries about prenup protection in case of divorce.
With care and willingness to address where your girlfriend is coming from, compromise is often possible on this sensitive topic. The article aims to help partners listen, reassure, negotiate, and reach mutual agreement to protect their relationship above all. Let’s dive in.
Reasons Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Sign A Prenuptial Contract
1. She Feels It Means You Don’t Fully Trust Her
When you bring up wanting to sign a prenup before getting married, your girlfriend may interpret it as you not having complete faith in her commitment or the relationship lasting. Though you aim to safeguard assets responsibly, she feels hurt.
In her eyes, requesting a prenuptial agreement means you expect the marriage didn’t work out or foresee needing to get divorced. This sparks insecurity and questions if you fully trust her as a spouse.
Reassure her that’s not your motive – this protects you both if an unfortunate situation you never need arises later. Avoid making her feel accused when your goal is to protect your assets responsibly.
2. She Thinks It’s Preparing for Failure of the Relationship
To your romantic partner who envisions a lifelong marriage, bringing up a prenup may imply you expect failure down the road. Though that’s not your intention, she interprets this legal contract as making preparations for the relationship not succeeding.
Let her know you have every hope to grow old together and never anticipate needing this document. Explain you want to responsibly cover all bases before taking vows to be responsible spouses.
Make sure she knows signing a prenup isn’t setting things up “just in case” but to avoid any messy money matters if you unexpectedly get divorced.
3. She Worries She Would Struggle Financially If Divorced
Talk to your girlfriend about your financial goals before marriage. If she’s worried about being financially unstable after signing a prenup, address her concerns compassionately.
Consider setting up a separate account in her name or meeting with a financial advisor to create a plan that suits her needs. This can give you both peace of mind and protect each other’s interests.
4. She believes it’s unromantic
Understandably, your girlfriend finds talk of a prenup before marriage as decidedly unromantic. In her eyes, it clashes with the starry-eyed vision of pledging to be together forever as a loving couple.
Explain it’s not meant to detract from that, to responsibly protect the assets and financial goals you each bring into the marriage. Take time to help her fully understand what signing a prenup before marriage would entail so she doesn’t refuse it out of confusion.
Frame it as each having the right to protect what you’ve earned while still wholly committing to the relationship.
5. She doesn’t fully understand what it means
If your girlfriend greets the mention of a prenup with confusion, it may be she honestly doesn’t grasp everything involved with signing one before marriage. Don’t dismiss her hesitation as an automatic refusal – she likely needs help understanding.
Explain in simple terms that this marital legal contract would, in worst-case scenarios, specify who gets what assets you each enter the marriage with if you didn’t work out as a couple down the road.
Note she has just as much suitable to protect what she’s earned. Convey it’s not about divorce expectations but avoiding messy battles if they occur.
6. She has concerns about how assets would be divided
It’s reasonable for your spouse-to-be to worry about how assets would be divided if you ever need this prenup after a divorce. Provide complete transparency about what you own/owe and ask the same of her.
Think through how you’d each want items managed – maybe she’d keep the house and you the vacation cabin, for example. But listen to any concerns she surfaces about feeling left deprived or unstable.
Compromise until you both feel it equitably protects assets you brought into marriage yet provides for your needs in any unfortunate situation requiring its use after refusing to stay together.
What To Do For Approaching the Conversation About A Prenup
Have an open and honest discussion
When bringing up the idea of a prenup, there’s often emotion involved if your girlfriend refuses to sign. Have an open and honest talk about any concerns—don’t insist she just agree.
Explain what the concept of a prenup means if things don’t work out, and emphasize how it can protect both people’s assets, not yours. Listen if she doesn’t understand parts or has worries about child support if married with kids.
Though rare, prenups outline support even if one person ends the marriage. Reassure her the goal is for a lifetime union together, not divorce. But over time, attitudes have changed, and many couples see signing a prenup as practical in case the unthinkable occurs.
Make sure she understands what a prenup involves
Don’t assume your girlfriend automatically grasps what a prenup entails—ensure she fully comprehends. Explain it specifies who gets marital property each person brings into the marriage if you split up.
Note what rights she would keep if she refuses to sign. Caution that without the prenup, default laws decide the division of assets if the divorce occurred, often not evenly. Urge her to voice opinions or anything she doesn’t understand on reasonably arranging it.
Meeting with a lawyer can also help iron out specifics like child support and custody rights if you become a parent. The goal isn’t preparing for failure but protecting all in a commitment for the long haul.
Emphasize it’s about protecting both people’s assets
When you float the idea of insisting on a prenup before marriage, emphasize to your reluctant girlfriend it’s about protecting both people’s assets—not just yours. Make clear you want her to keep rights over what she earned and invested in, too.
Highlight that with open negotiation, you can customize the prenup to meet both your needs. If she built her business before you wed, ensure those assets stay hers. Compromise so possessions you each value are allocated fairly.
Agreeing to sign the prenup safeguards investments in case the relationship devastatingly doesn’t go the distance while confirming the intention to commit fully to each other without hidden doubts.
Suggest meeting with a lawyer together to discuss details
If your girlfriend can’t agree to sign a prenup you insist on, suggest meeting together with a lawyer to discuss and negotiate face-to-face.
Having a professional mediate and answer questions directly can ease worries. Often, when someone bristles at the concept of a prenup, it’s because they don’t understand aspects or have unaddressed fears.
A lawyer can clearly explain default laws on marital property division without one and how assets would be allocated. Plus, they can be customized based on your unique situation.
Maybe compromises like setting up a separate account in her name would offer reassurance. With expert guidance, many hesitant future spouses become ready to sign.
Alternatives to Consider About A Prenup
Postnuptial Agreement If Marry Without Prenup
If your girlfriend refuses to sign a prenup, but you later marry, there’s still an option for financial protection.
A postnuptial agreement outlines the same things after you wed. Sit down after the honeymoon phase and frankly but lovingly insist on drafting something you both sign.
This legally determines the division of assets and support if the relationship ends later. Yes, it’s still businesslike but responsible. Make sure she doesn’t feel blindsided or hurt. Calmly explain why it brings you peace of mind for the future.
Setting Up Separate Assets in Both Names
Even without a formal prenup, take steps as a married couple to set up separate assets in both your names.
For example, you might open investment accounts naming her as the sole legal owner of hers and yours. Save up for and purchase a rental condo in her name only.
Set up trusts for any inherited money to flow directly to the individual. Should divorce occur, these would remain solely under each person’s control, not subject to legal wrangling. It takes some extra admin but offers some security.
Meeting With Financial Advisor to Make Joint Plan
Invite your girlfriend to a meeting with a financial advisor if she refuses to sign a prenup, but you still wed. An expert can help you make a comprehensive money management plan as a married couple while still allowing for individual ownership.
They may suggest steps like keeping separate accounts for your salaries, paying joint bills proportionally, and capping shared mortgage liability.
While not legally binding, it helps confirm financial goals and needs should the relationship fail in the long run. Knowing there’s an equitable plan may help her relax about signing a prenup.
When your romantic partner refuses to sign a prenup before your wedding, it can hurt and raise questions about trust. But with open and empathetic communication about her concerns, you often find a path to compromise.
Remember that protecting assets symbolizes doubting your commitment to her in emotional terms. Reassure her it’s responsible planning as a couple, not a lack of faith in your marriage.
Meet halfway by considering options like financial counseling or a postnuptial agreement. If she understands a prenup simply prepares for the worst while hoping for the best, you build security along with your life together.
The relationship always deserves priority, but practical steps create stability without undermining your devotion as a future spouses.