No one enters into a relationship to feel awful or for unpleasant companionship. But this is what you are getting into with an always complaining girlfriend.
Not just you, everyone wishes for a healthy relationship filled with love, fun, and positivity. We all expect a partner who will reciprocate our unconditional love, affection, care, consideration, and support. We look forward to spending some good times together and making happy memories.
Unfortunately, what we wish for and what we get may not be the same. It takes all kinds to make the world. So, we may end up with someone nowhere near our expectations – someone who’s grouchy, frustrating, and always complaining.
The hard part about this is that you will realize the real character of your partner only after you get serious about them. Your girlfriend may be good at hiding her true colors until then. Or you might be blinded by the euphoria of the new relationship. Either way, it will come as a rude shock to you.
Now, the question before you is, what can you do about the situation? Should you walk out immediately? Or try to make it better?
Before you figure out an answer, it would be a good idea for you to know why she is behaving this way. Is this her habit? Or is she stressed out? Did you do anything to make her behave like this? Read on to learn more about a girlfriend who is always complaining about everything.
6 Reasons Your Girlfriend Complains About Everything
You may have thought that after spending so much time together, you know her well. It was good going until recently. But she has changed as if some switch got flipped. You have noticed that she’s silent, unhappy, irritated, and on the edge all the time.
You may have tried asking her about it or initiating a conversation but she gives evasive answers. You may think, “What does she want from me?” or “What am I supposed to do?”
Here are some reasons why your girlfriend complains about everything.
1. She’s a habitual whiner
Maybe it was the environment while growing up that made this her habitual behavior. She may have witnessed adults in her household always complaining about others. Though positive traits are hard to catch on from others, negative behavior is imbibed quite easily.
And, it doesn’t help that she couldn’t realize any of her goals or dreams. She thinks of herself as a failure and this adds to her negative outlook and intensifies her whining tendencies. Somehow, she could never see the positive aspects of anyone or anything. Even if she wants to, she may be finding it impossible to change her habitual behavior of complaining about everything.
2. She’s frustrated and angry
Things may not be going her way and she’s finding it hard to cope with the pressure, setbacks, and failures. Some people around her, such as her boss at work, may be aggravating the situation with their inconsiderate behavior towards her. Tight deadlines and high expectations can do much harm to a person.
Or maybe someone she cares for is sick or having some serious problems. When we are under stress, we may find it hard to keep our cool and tolerate others. Even if the intentions of others are good, we may take it the wrong way.
If you don’t read the situation well and retaliate with equal negativity, your relationship will be similar to a time bomb. It may blow up anytime.
3. She has some grudge against you
You may have hurt her with your words or actions. Even if you are not aware of this, she may still feel resentment towards you. Maybe she expected you to act in a certain way or do something for her, but you didn’t. Your ignorance about the episode doesn’t matter. In fact, this infuriates her further. How can you be so casual and callous?
Even if you’re aware of the incident, you may have your own explanation for the way you acted. But that doesn’t help her feel better. She may feel that you’re taking her and the relationship for granted. You’re not valuing her and her contributions enough. She may have hinted about this to you, but you failed to take the hint. All her frustration will make her a chronic complainer.
4. She wants validation and attention
She’s the kind of person who wants to be validated to feel content and happy. She lacks self-assurance and doesn’t practice self-love. She does things to fulfill others’ expectations and is left dissatisfied and drained. She desperately wants to be happy but is unsure how to go about finding it.
Instead of learning how to be happy by herself, she expects others to provide it for her. She’s always searching for attention, never satisfied with what she gets. Most of the time, she feels neglected and unhappy. She’s irritated and quarrelsome. All these feelings will set her to be a chronic complainer.
5. She’s suffering from a personality disorder
These mental disorders are quite common and most of them remain undetected, which makes it harder for the afflicted person and those around them. Those suffering from some personality disorder will find it hard to trust others. They will be suspicious and paranoid. This will make them resort to complaining about everything.
Some other personality disorders will make those suffering from them act in a dramatic, impulsive, and provocative manner. Often they act out just to provoke others, thereby gaining their attention.
Those with narcissistic tendencies will be so focused on themselves and their conveniences that they demand attention and care from the people around them. If your girlfriend is suffering from any one of these conditions, she will be always complaining about everything.
6. She has reasons to be a chronic complainer
Not every time those making constant complaints are bogus. Your girlfriend may actually have reasons for complaining. Even if you don’t consider her complaints worthy of your attention, she may feel bothered enough to raise complaints. She may be hoping that things may get better once she speaks up about what is annoying her.
She may have asked you to do something but you ignored it. She may have reminded you but you continue to ignore her requests without giving her an explanation. Irrespective of what you think, she deserves to be heard and get a response from you.
How to deal with an always complaining girlfriend?
It’s not a pleasant experience to handle a girlfriend who is always complaining. Her negative outlook on life can pull you down into the depths of depression. So, how can you handle the situation?
Have a heart-to-heart talk with her: One of the mainstays of a relationship is communication. This is essential to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Try to understand why she’s complaining and make her aware of how her complaining behavior is affecting you.
Make an effort to understand and accept her: Her complaining behavior may be right or justifiable from her perspective. Try to see things from her side to gain her viewpoint. If there’s anything you can do to improve the situation, make an effort in this direction.
It may be unrelated to you: She may be worried or irritated about something other than you or what you have done or said. Maybe it’s her family or friends or something that happened at the workplace. Offer to help in whatever way you can to ease the situation for her.
Offer your unconditional support and help: People act grouchy and difficult when they feel wronged and all alone. The lack of support and empathy can make matters worse. Just a kind word of support and understanding can make all the difference to the suffering person. Let her know that you are there for her, no matter what.
Bring in fun and cheer in your relationship: As a relationship progresses, it gets harder to keep it fresh and exciting. It is easy to take each other for granted and let things slide. Figure out what she wants and what makes her happy. Put in the extra effort to infuse more love and excitement into the relationship.
Eliminate the negative narratives: It’s easy to slip into a negative mindset and see the dark side of things. The harder part is to resist this and tune your mind to see the positives. If your girlfriend is having trouble maintaining a positive outlook and starts complaining, help her with this without being too patronizing or intrusive.
Practicing gratitude: We tend to think about what we don’t have rather than what we have. Practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful tools to feel happy and bring more positivity to our lives. You can help your girlfriend to walk along the path of gratitude by pointing out the positives in her life without being pushy, invasive, or condescending.
Don’t give up yet, try again: You may not be able to connect with her the first time. Or the second or the third time. She may reject your offers of help and shut you out of her life. If you value the relationship, it must be worth fighting for. Try again and again. When she sees your sincerity, she will relent.
If you have had enough of her complaining despite making your best efforts, it would be a good idea for you to reevaluate your priorities and the relationship. You have done everything you can to improve the situation but she doesn’t seem interested in making things better. In this case, you should tell her you cannot take any more of her complaining. If she doesn’t change her ways, it’s over.
Letting her go may hurt you a lot. But it would be a better alternative than putting up with her negativity and always complaining nature all the time.
How can you help her?
Your girlfriend may be unaware of how her complaining behavior is impacting you or casting a shadow on the relationship. Your task is to make her aware of this and help her switch her mindset to a positive one. While at it, you may find these tips helpful.
- Treat her with kindness and compassion.
- Show empathy.
- Allow her to say what’s troubling her. Listen to her.
- If you can, share some of her troubles and burdens.
- Take efforts to make her feel happy and cherished.
- If your efforts are not succeeding, persuade her gently to get help from a mental health professional.
- Help her in her search for a mental health professional.
The Bottom Line
It’s not pleasant to be near an annoying girlfriend who’s always complaining and unhappy. Unless you do something about it, your relationship may not survive long. After all, it is said, happy girlfriend, happy life!
However, remember that your good intentions may not be welcomed by her. You may not receive gratitude for the time and effort you invested in her. As long as you try your best, you can ensure that you will not have regrets later on. At the same time, you have a chance to solve the conundrum and end up with a happy girlfriend and happy life.