Are you having a Bad Relationship With Your Boyfriend’s Mom? Uh oh. You like your new boyfriend, but things are weird between you and his mom. No matter what you say or do, she never seems to approve of you entirely.
You are having your boyfriend’s mom not like you, which is the worst! You genuinely want her to accept you since she’s vital to your guy. But for some reason, her behavior towards you is cold.
Don’t worry – this is a common situation many girlfriends face. Even if she doesn’t show it, deep down, your boyfriend’s mom probably wants to get along with his new date. She likely has some concerns about you or the relationship.
The good news is there are steps you can take to understand her objections better and even win her over. This article will explain 8 key reasons she may not have warmed up to you yet, plus tips to help improve your connection with your boyfriend’s mom.
8 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend’s Mom Doesn’t Like You
1. She Feels Protective of Her Beloved Son
It’s only natural for your boyfriend’s mom to feel protective of him. After all, she’s known your guy way longer than you! To her, he’ll always be her beloved little boy whom she wants to shield from harm.
Seeing her son with a new woman in his life can be challenging at first. She may worry you don’t know what’s best for him yet or fear you have too much influence over him. It just takes time for dating her son to feel normal. Be patient and show you care.
2. She Thinks You Are Changing Her Son
Along with being protective, your boyfriend’s mom may also worry you are changing her beloved son too much. Even minor tweaks to your guy’s appearance or interests after meeting you could bother her.
Parents like seeing qualities in their kids’ partners that seem familiar. It’s unsettling when it looks like you are transforming her son away from the person she knows.
Make an effort to reassure her that you love your boyfriend for who he is. Also, highlight what you two share, so she sees you naturally click as a couple. This can help ease her mind.
3. She Worries You Don’t Have Enough In Common With Her Son
For your boyfriend’s mom to fully approve of you as his girlfriend, she must first believe you are a good match. She probably won’t be your biggest fan if she thinks it’s a mismatch.
Maybe she assumes you don’t share the same hobbies, interests, or values. Or she thinks you have different friend groups or ambitions for the future. Whatever it is, she worries you two just don’t fit well.
Showing his mom evidence that you and your boyfriend have much in common is vital. Also, stress that you support each other in growing together as a couple over time. This can help win her over.
4. She Thinks You Are Not As Accomplished As Her Son
No matter how much your boyfriend’s mom seems to like you at first, she may eventually conclude you are not as accomplished in life as her son is. This can lead to some unwanted tension.
After meeting the parents, your boyfriend’s mother may feel that someone else’s daughter doesn’t quite measure up to her boy. Even if not intended, comparison is common.
You’ll have to gently let his mom know that you fully support your boyfriend’s ambitions and are working hard to grow into your best self. Frame your relationship as a partnership of equals growing together.
5. She Had Unrealistic Expectations For Who Her Son Would Date
Sometimes, your boyfriend’s mother already had an unrealistic vision of who she expected her son to date. You likely don’t align with the imaginary girlfriend she had pictured for her boy.
This doesn’t automatically mean Mom hates you, though. It may require adjustment to meet the parents and shift her mental image to match reality.
Be patient and give regular reminders of what you admire about her son. Also, highlight small examples demonstrating your thoughtfully moving the relationship forward over time.
6. You Remind Her Of Someone She Dislikes From Her Past
Strangely enough, your mannerisms, style of speech or even laughter may revive bad memories of someone else in her mind. This can cause your boyfriend’s mother to feel annoyed or prejudiced towards you initially.
Unfortunately, if she misguidedly projects negative experiences with another person onto you, it has nothing to do with who you are inside.
Do your best to show interest in understanding what past hurts she may associate you with. Building trust through dialogue and proving her impression wrong over time is key.
7. Your Beliefs Or Values Clash With Hers
Even if you get along well personally, differences in core beliefs or values can negatively impact your boyfriend’s mother’s feelings towards you. She starts to feel you are guiding her son down an unwanted path.
Your differences don’t have to be central. But tension can simmer if his mom feels strongly about a political view, religious conviction, or social cause that conflicts with your perspective.
Listen to understand where she is coming from first. Ask thoughtful questions rather than debating to show care.
8. She Feels Left Out of Her Son’s Life
As you and your boyfriend grow closer, his mom might also want to feel included in his world. But she can resent you if she doesn’t know what’s going on anymore or feels pushed aside.
Do your best to keep your boyfriend’s mother looped in through regular check-ins. Share lighthearted updates on your lives and relationship milestones with her, too, so she doesn’t feel forgotten.
Make an effort to show you want her to remain an essential part of her son’s life moving forward. She’ll be thankful someone wants to keep impressing her!
Tips for Getting Your Boyfriend’s Mom to Like You
Spend One-On-One Time With Her
If you want her to like you, arrange one-on-one activities with your boyfriend’s mother. Even a coffee date, manicure, or thrift store trip allows quality bonding time.
Use this opportunity to ask about her life and listen closely when she opens up. Finding those common interests or funny memories together helps her relate to you more.
Ask Your Boyfriend To Tell You More About Her
Your guy knows his mom best. Ask your boyfriend to share what she enjoys doing for fun, top pet peeves to avoid, and even favorite snacks growing up.
Use these insider tips to help make conversation, pick thoughtful gifts, and show you “get” her. It’s supposed to communicate you care enough to understand what uniquely matters to his mom.
Find Common Interests You Can Bond Over
Don’t force connections; organically highlight common interests or values you share with your boyfriend’s mother. You likely have more in common than you think.
As you open up, she may start to come around on her feelings if she sees evidence you two naturally click. Give it time and show you genuinely enjoy chatting or doing activities together.
You likely admire certain qualities in your boyfriend that he got from his mom’s influence. Politely tell her some of those traits and why you adore them in your boyfriend.
Hearing her best qualities live on through her son from someone new can melt her heart. Just be respectful and calm in your compliments.
Tell Her How Much You Care About Her Son
If you’ve tried to talk to your boyfriend’s mom before with mixed results, trying a more direct approach may help make peace.
Yet, genuinely let her know why you care so deeply about her beloved son and your hopes to support him in the future. Make sure she knows you aren’t out to change him.
Be Friendly And Make Her Laugh
Being lighthearted and friendly when you interact makes it seem like you’re both on the same team – you want the other person to feel good spending time together.
Smile, share childhood stories about your boyfriend, or ask about her day. Finding gentle humor in ordinary situations invites her to see you as caring and non-judgmental.
Ask For Her Advice
Even if your boyfriend’s mother doesn’t open up immediately, asking her opinion shows you value her wisdom.
It could relate to a minor life dilemma, consolidating two recipes, or even selecting the best movie. She’ll likely invite you to chat more if she feels helpful and needed.
Building a strong connection with the important woman in his life takes effort but is worthwhile. Even if your boyfriend has brought home other girlfriends before, there’s nothing wrong with you. His mom likely needs more time to see you unconditionally care, and your relationship might have longevity.
Get along with your boyfriend’s mother by showing interest in her life without judgment. Politely yet authentically communicating why you admire her son goes a long way.
You can transform her objections and build a long-term relationship with consistent patience and understanding.