My Boyfriend Used To Be A Player – Can This Relationship Work?

Finding out your boyfriend has a history of being a player can turn your world upside down. One minute, you think you know someone, and the next you wonder if you ever really did. Many women face a common dilemma when a partner’s past is revealed.

My Boyfriend Used To Be A Player

While it’s understandable to feel shaken, try not to panic. With care and communication, you can navigate this situation. This article will help you make the right choice for yourself and your happiness.

How To Deal With A Boyfriend Who Used To Be A Player?

The first step is to have an honest talk with your boyfriend. Listen to understand where he’s coming from and how he says he’s changed since then.

Next, discuss boundaries that will build trust in the relationship now. It’s also important to focus on who he is today, not just who he was before. Manage your expectations and let things happen naturally without pressure.

The path forward will be challenging. But you can find clarity by keeping communication open and giving your boyfriend room to demonstrate his commitment to you.

Curious to learn more? Keep reading as we dive into the details of each solution.

1. Have an open and honest conversation

When you find out about your boyfriend’s past as a player, it’s okay to have worries. An honest talk can help you both.

Let him explain why he acted that way before. Listen without judging. Did he feel insecure? Want approval and love? Or just follow friends? The reasons matter.

Also, listen for signs he’s grown up since then. People can change if they realize their actions hurt others.

Next, kindly share your feelings. Say how learning about his past makes you feel. But stress you care about him and want the relationship to work. Make it a talk to build trust, not blame.

This first talk won’t fix everything. But it starts with mutual understanding. That can lead to long-term growth if you want to make the relationship work.

2. Set boundaries in the relationship

After your talk, set rules for the relationship. Establishing boundaries and guidelines will help build trust between you and your partner. 

Discuss what behaviors are okay and what’s not. Explain what would make you uncomfortable. Don’t ignore his views, but make sure your expectations are clear.

Agree on key rules together. Like he won’t hang out alone with other women or always tells you his plans for the night.

Boundaries make you both feel secure. But he must respect them. If not, he risks losing your trust.

Don’t worry, though – Setting ground rules isn’t controlling. It shows you care about the relationship. You both deserve to feel respected.

Lastly, check in over time and adjust rules if needed. The goal is a relationship where you feel confident in each other. Boundaries help get there if the guy respects them.

3. Focus on who he is now, not his past

It’s understandable to feel worried about your boyfriend’s past dating habits. But don’t let his history totally define who he is now.

The past can provide insight, but how he treats you today is most important. Does he show care, respect, and commitment in his actions? Or do you see clues he may still be untrustworthy?

Focus less on who he was and more on who he chooses to be now. People can change behaviors and outlooks, especially in committed relationships.

If he is sincerely trying to improve and prove his devotion to you, try giving him the chance. We all have moments we wish we could rewrite.

But also trust your gut. Be cautious if you see serious signs he may cheat or mistreat you like past girls. Consider if this marriage or lifestyle is right for you.

The present offers the best clues about whether he’s left player habits behind. Let his recent growth and actions toward you take center stage.

4. Manage your expectations

Dating a guy used to a player lifestyle means adjusting some expectations.

Understand it may take time for him to become emotionally available. Don’t expect deep intimacy right away.

Communicate your needs clearly and directly. If you want more closeness, tell him. See if he can meet you halfway.

There will likely be bumps as he learns to prioritize you over other dates. But try to remain patient and focus on progress.

Stay alert that you’re treated respectfully, unlike one of many options. You deserve to feel valued for who you are.

He may become an attentive, caring partner if you give him room to grow at his own pace.

But don’t stay with unacceptable behaviors, hoping he’ll change. Know when patience has run its course. You can find someone who’s fully available.

Remain optimistic but also realistic. He may meet more of your relationship needs with open communication and time.

5. Let the relationship progress naturally

When dating someone used to playing the field, letting things flow naturally is wise.

Don’t pressure him to overly “prove” his commitment. Too many demands could backfire. Focus instead on getting to know each other.

Stay present. Keep focusing on who he is now, not prodding how he’ll act in hypothetical future situations.

Watch for positive changes to his personality as he gets more comfortable being in a relationship. But let it unfold step-by-step.

You’ll learn if you’re both compatible and able to meet each other’s needs. But it requires patience.

If you can accept him as he is now without judgment, that acceptance provides an environment for him to open up and move forward.

Forcing change rarely works. Giving space for organic evolution might allow the relationship to flourish.

Let things progress day by day. Meet each moment with optimism tempered by reality. Then, you’ll see if you’re building something real.


To wrap up, moving forward takes honest talks, setting ground rules, and focusing on who he is now. With trust and patience from you both, you can build a healthy relationship if both partners are committed. 

Watch for warning signs and be ready to leave if you need to. But stay hopeful because change can happen when you make each other happy in the present, not stuck in the past. It’s not easy, but it can be worth it if you’re both dedicated to making it work. 

Related: My Boyfriend is Making Me Fat on Purpose