Have you ever arrived somewhere with your boyfriend and had to open the car door yourself? It can be disappointing when you expect those little romantic gestures, but your guy doesn’t seem to get the hint.
There are a few common reasons this can happen. But the good news is you can try some simple things to get your message across or wake him up.
In this article, we’ll go over why your boyfriend might not be opening doors. You’ll also find tips on what to say, how to lead by example, and ways to address the issue directly.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Open The Car Door For You
1. He thinks it’s an outdated custom
Your boyfriend may seem to think opening the car door is an outdated courtesy. In today’s more casual relationships, some guys see these acts of chivalry as unnecessary. Or he may find the whole idea old-fashioned and no longer critical.
This simple act of opening a door just isn’t meaningful to him. Try not to take it as him being rude – he likely sees modern manners differently.
2. He never learned about the gesture
Alternatively, your boyfriend may have never learned about this gentlemanly gesture. If you two are getting to know each other, especially on a first date, he may be oblivious that opening the door is essential to you.
Not all guys are taught certain courtesies growing up. So don’t assume he should know. Instead, communicate which manners matter to you early on.
3. Too nervous or awkward at first
For some guys, rushing to open the car door can feel awkward, especially when you two are still new. Even if your boyfriend wants to be chivalrous, he may seem too nervous to remember this act of courtesy.
Give it time and gently remind him. As he practices this simple act of opening doors for you, it can become a natural part of his manners.
4. Wants to treat you as an equal
Nowadays, some guys prefer to see men and women as total equals. So, your boyfriend would let you unlock and open your door instead, then go ahead of him.
While the insight is thoughtful, it still feels nice when a guy accompanies you with this simple gesture. Explain that you appreciate equality but still desire those thoughtful habits, too.
5. Forgets in the moment
He likely forgets at the moment or hasn’t made it a habit yet. It may be an insignificant oversight, especially if he’s usually a thoughtful guy who opens doors for others.
Gently remind him occasionally rather than seeing it as him no longer caring. With friendly insight, he can transform door-opening into a conscious act.
6. Takes you for granted
However, if he used to open car doors and make an effort, his new obliviousness could signal he’s taking you for granted. Does he still accompany you on dates with the same care?
When a guy gets too comfortable in a relationship, chivalrous gestures like opening the door often slip. Bring up this insight kindly but firmly. Explain you miss thoughtfulness.
7. Losing interest in the relationship
In worst cases, he may no longer open the door because he’s losing interest in your relationship. If you sense wider relationship issues, don’t ignore them.
Have an open and caring chat. Explain your insight on his lack of gestures and ask if he still feels the same way about you.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Open The Car Door For You
Communicate it’s importance
While your boyfriend may have some helpful opinions on feminism and chivalry, clarify that these lovely things still matter.
Tell him politely that it’s not that you feel incapable of opening doors, but that guy holding doors open feels like a compliment. Let him know it makes you feel treated well.
Lead by example, open his door
Try beating your guy to the task by opening his door first. Once he experiences this courtesy himself, he will likely appreciate the kindness.
Opening his door for him gently sets the expectation that such polite, chivalrous gestures are great. It’s not that you lie to be treated better than him, but you want to do nice things.
Withhold affection if taken for granted
If it’s clear your boyfriend used to open car doors but now takes you for granted, pull back a little. Stop offering as many favors or saying yes to as many date ideas.
Let the decline of nice gestures have natural consequences and wait for him to ask what’s changed. Then explain that you miss being treated like a lady whose happiness he aims to compliment.
Have an honest talk about the relationship
If he never opens doors and you think he’s losing interest, it warrants a caring yet candid conversation.
Clarify again that this matters because it embodies the deeper care and commitment you need in a relationship. Listen openly as well to gain insight into where his concerns, doubts, or disconnection stem from.
When your boyfriend doesn’t open the car door for you, it can feel disrespectful and make you doubt his care. But in many cases, it stems from obliviousness more than disrespect.
By communicating how this small act of opening the car door ties to feeling cherished in the relationship, you set the stage for change. Give him examples by holding doors for him first.
Keep talking openly if he takes you for granted or pulls away from the relationship entirely. You deserve effort and romance from a guy who wants to make you feel treated well – with thoughtful gestures like paying for the date or opening your side of the car.
When both people respect what matters most, they can pay attention to those little courtesies. So keep that insight in mind, and don’t ignore the signals his behavior sends.