My Boyfriend And I Are On A Break And I Miss Him – Discovering Self-Love

Being “on a break” in a relationship is a tricky thing. One day you and your boyfriend are happy together, the next you’ve agreed to take some time apart. It often happens when something shakes up the relationship – a big fight, a betrayal, or just growing apart.

My Boyfriend And I Are On A Break And I Miss Him

Whatever the reason, you’ve decided to hit the pause button and step back for a while. During this break, you may have little or no contact with each other. The rules vary from couple to couple.

At first, getting some breathing room may feel like a relief. But then reality sets in. You start to miss your boyfriend. You find yourself wondering how he’s doing or reminiscing about happy times you shared. You wish you could talk to him or text him about your day.

This article will provide guidance on coping with missing your boyfriend during a relational break. You’ll learn:

  • Why it’s normal to miss him and how to manage the feelings
  • Productive ways to stay busy and distracted
  • Tips for making your boyfriend miss you too
  • How to gain perspective from this time apart

The goal is to help you handle this challenging situation in a healthy way, whether your break leads to reconciliation or more permanent separation.

So, Let’s get started!

It’s Normal to Miss Your Boyfriend During a Break

It’s perfectly understandable to miss your boyfriend when you two are on a relational break. Although taking time apart was likely a necessary decision, it leaves a hole where your partner used to be.

You miss the companionship you used to share. The little things like texting him about your bad day or cuddling up to watch movies. You miss being intimate together and having someone to hold you at night.

You probably also miss the friendship and emotional support only he could provide. The inside jokes, deep conversations, and knowing glances. Along with the romantic aspects, losing your best friend is hard.

It’s also normal to feel doubtful about the break when you miss him. Maybe you made a mistake. Maybe you should get back together. But try not to make any rash choices. Missing someone doesn’t always mean you should be with them.

This period of longing is temporary. It means your bond was meaningful. So let yourself feel the sadness and pain. Don’t ignore it. Process it by confiding in a friend or expressing it through art and writing.

Then focus on the underlying reasons you needed this break. That perspective will help you move forward, whether it’s back to your boyfriend or into a new chapter.

What To Do If My Boyfriend And I Are On A Break And I Miss Him?

Missing your boyfriend during a break can leave you longing for his companionship. But there are productive ways to fill your time that can help you cope.

1) Stay busy with hobbies, friends, goals

Dive into hobbies you feel passionate about or explore new interests outside your comfort zone. Taking a class in something creative provides a positive distraction.

Make plans with supportive, caring friends who uplift you. Their companionship can ease loneliness and boost your mood. Lean on friends who inspire and motivate you.

Figure out goals that enhance your life outside the relationship. Training for a race or competition gives you a sense of accomplishment. Then diligently work towards them. Reaching new goals builds your self-esteem.

Now is the perfect time to join a class, take up a new hobby, organize your finances, or declutter your home. Even a cleaning project can provide motivation. Constructive achievements keep your mind busy in healthy ways.

2) Pamper yourself with spa days and self-care

This relationship break is the perfect time to pamper yourself with relaxing spa treatments and indulgent self-care.

Book a massage, or facial or soak in a candlelit bath. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or nails. Create a soothing home spa environment.

Nurture yourself through healthy habits like exercise, nutritious eating, and quality sleep. Reflect through journaling, meditation, or yoga.

Be very kind and patient with yourself. By pouring care and love inward, you’ll start to heal. Taking a break is an opportunity to reconnect with your needs.

3) Confide in Trusted Friends

Opening up to close friends about missing your boyfriend can provide much-needed support. Although it may feel isolating, you’re not alone.

Choose friends who listen without judgment and offer empathy. Avoid those who will trash your ex or spread your struggles. Lean on people you trust.

Be honest about your emotions – sadness, anger, confusion. There’s no shame in needing support. Letting feelings out relieves carrying them alone.

While friends provide comfort, avoid using them as therapists. Focus the conversation on healing and self-care.

4) Distract Yourself

When you catch yourself missing your boyfriend, distract yourself to take your mind off of him. This provides relief from painful thoughts and feelings.

Do an activity that engages your mind and body. Go for a vigorous walk, dance to uplifting music, or work on a hands-on project. Sports, gaming, cleaning, and organizing can also divert your attention.

Avoid activities that trigger rumination over the breakup. Steer clear of sad movies, reminiscing over photos, or keeping tabs on your ex via social media. These worsen feelings of loss.

Distraction alone doesn’t equal healing. But it gives you space to process emotions and start moving forward. Over time, you’ll think of him less and less.

5) Feel the Pain

While staying busy and distracted can help, it’s important to let yourself fully feel the pain of missing your boyfriend sometimes too.

Suppressing emotions only bottles them up inside, leading to more hurt long-term. Allow yourself space to fully experience the grief, anger, confusion, and other feelings.

Have a good cry, pour your heart out in a journal, create art capturing your emotions, or confide in an empathetic friend. Feeling the depth of pain is part of the healing process.

Remind yourself the pain won’t last forever, even though it feels unbearable in the moment. Be patient and don’t judge yourself. With time and self-care, the intensity will subside.

Releasing pent-up emotions prevents them from festering and resurfacing later. By facing the pain head-on, you’ll be able to move forward.

How to Make Your Boyfriend Miss You Too?

While focusing on your own healing is most important, you may hope your boyfriend misses you too during the break. There are some healthy ways to increase the chances he’ll long for you while apart.

Show Independence and Self-Confidence

Displaying independence and self-confidence can increase your allure and make your boyfriend miss what he’s lost.

Pursue your own interests and friendships apart from him. Be comfortable doing things solo. Keep up your regular activities and routines. This shows him, and yourself, that you can thrive on your own.

Trigger His “Hero Instinct”

Men have a natural inclination to feel needed. So showing you don’t rely on your boyfriend anymore can actually make him want to “rescue” you again.

Don’t play games, but focusing on your own life may trigger his hero instinct. When you seem fine without your boyfriend, it creates a longing to be essential in your world again.

Let him see you confidently pursuing goals and embracing life on your own terms. By giving him space, he may realize how much he misses being your partner and confidant.

Live Your Best Life Without Him

Focus on self-improvement and living a full, enriching life even with the breakup. Being happy and fulfilled without your ex can increase your appeal and make him miss what you had together.

Don’t pretend you’re unaffected, but show him you can still experience joy and passion independently. Pursue exciting new hobbies and activities that light you up inside. Spend time with uplifting friends and family who bring out the best in you.

When he sees you thriving and living your most vibrant life without him, it may spark longing for what you once shared as a couple. He’ll get a glimpse of what he’s missing when you’re no longer by his side.

Post Carefully on Social Media

Being intentional about what you post on social media during a breakup can also spark longing in your boyfriend.

Don’t overpost out of a need for validation. But sharing fun glimpses of enjoying life despite the breakup shows you’re strong and unbothered.

Seeing you confidently moving forward and cultivating new parts of your life allows him to witness your desirability. He may miss being able to share in your world.

Occasional posts showing your beauty, sense of humor, interests, and friendships provide key peeks behind the curtain. But retain some mystery too.

Make Him a Little Jealous

Causing a twinge of jealousy can also increase your ex’s urge to reconnect. But be very careful with this tactic.

Having an active social life and receiving interest/compliments from others reminds your boyfriend that you’re still desirable. He sees you’re able to move on and won’t wait around.

Subtly reminding him of your romantic options may lead him to miss having you all to himself. But take care not to flaunt relationships or intentionally make him envious.

The goal is to trigger nostalgia for what you had, not bitterness. A small dose of jealousy can open his eyes to taking you for granted. But employ this carefully to avoid causing harm.

How to Gain Perspective from This Time Apart

While painful, this relationship break can provide invaluable perspective if you use the time mindfully. Here are some ways to gain clarity and insights:

  • Reflect on what was working well in the relationship and what wasn’t. A break provides distance to assess things objectively.
  • Consider if this relationship aligned with your core values, life goals, and vision for your future self. Did it bring out the best in you?
  • Use the extra free time to get clear on your personal wants and needs in a relationship. What’s essential for your happiness?
  • List the pros and cons of getting back together versus moving on. This puts things in perspective.
  • Discuss your reflections with a trusted friend. Their outside input gives an additional vantage point.
  • Notice patterns from past relationships so you can make better choices moving forward.

Gaining wisdom from time apart, even if painful, puts you in a stronger position relationship-wise. You’ll have a deeper understanding of yourself and your partnerships.


Missing your boyfriend during a break is understandable. But dwelling on the past won’t help you move forward.

Instead, focus on self-care and personal growth. Strengthen relationships that uplift you. Immerse yourself in enriching activities.

Whatever the future may hold, this transitional time is an opportunity for self-discovery. Have faith that you will get through it and emerge stronger.


Why would someone want to go on a break?

From my experience, people want a break when they feel overwhelmed or unsure about the relationship. My friend Emma took a break because she needed space to deal with starting a stressful new job. A break can provide time to think and gain perspective on what you truly want.

My boyfriend asked for a break, what should I do?

When my college boyfriend asked for a break out of the blue, I was blindsided. But I realized pushing him would only drive him away more. As painful as it was, I respected his wishes. Having an open and honest conversation is key – listen to understand his reasons, communicate your feelings, and establish expectations. This gives the break the best chance at being productive.

How long should a break with my boyfriend last?

There’s no set duration for a break. It may take months to gain clarity. Regular check-ins help. Ultimately you both need to decide on a timeline that feels right – one that allows enough space while avoiding too much distance.

Is it possible to make my boyfriend miss me back?

You can’t force someone to have feelings. But when I focused on my own life during a breakup, like going out with friends more, my ex said he really missed me and our good times together. Living your best life can gently remind your boyfriend of your great qualities. Just be sure to do it for you, not just to get his attention.

Can a break be beneficial for a relationship?

While painful, yes, a break can absolutely help a relationship. My best friend stepped back from her boyfriend for a few weeks and realized how much she valued him. For some space allows them to see clearly. For others, it’s a chance to move on. Regardless, time apart leads to growth.

What can I do to get my boyfriend’s attention during the break?

I know the urge to contact your boyfriend can be strong on a break. Try filling your schedule with activities, hobbies, and quality time with supportive friends instead. Posting occasionally on social media to show you’re thriving can be enough to politely capture your boyfriend’s attention.

Will a break trigger my boyfriend’s hero instinct?

A break on its own probably won’t trigger your boyfriend’s ingrained hero instincts. But for me, becoming more independent and focusing on my own goals definitely got my ex’s attention. 

What if my boyfriend doesn’t miss me during the break?

If it seems like your boyfriend doesn’t miss you during the break, it can feel awful.  But try not to take it personally. Some people process breaks differently. Give him space, avoid contact, and focus on your well-being. If he values you, he’ll find his way back. If not, you have your answer.