Isn’t this obvious? Naturally, you will ask.
Not exactly. It’s human nature to see only what we want to see.
When you’re in a relationship and you desperately want it to succeed, you fail to see how he treats you in reality. You make excuses for his behavior.
But the fact still remains – How he treats you is how he feels about you.
So, what can you do about this situation? How can you remove the veil covering your face that is preventing you from seeing what is happening right in front of you? How can you become aware of his true colors? And, what are your options going forward?
In this article, you will find answers to your questions. Let’s get started.
He never does or says anything wrong
In short, he’s always doing the right thing with you. When a man treats you right, you may think that you’ve hit the jackpot. It’s too good to be true. You are on cloud nine or in seventh heaven. You may consider yourself the luckiest girl in the whole world.
You have never seen him take a wrong step or say anything out of place. He always says things you want to hear. He never throws a tantrum or creates a fuss about his feelings. He agrees with everything you say and makes promises you want to hear from him.
However, the trouble with such people is that they may not follow through with their promises. You ask him to meet you on Friday night and he says yes. But he never shows up. You don’t hear from him even on Saturday and Sunday. When you try calling him, you get a message saying it’s not reachable. You aren’t sure what to make of this.
Out of the blue, he will show up the week after. If you ask him about this, he will apologize and give you a long story about how he was tied up with something very important and urgent. He never got a chance to let you know about the change of plans.
If this is a one-off incident, there’s no need for you to think too much about it. But if he does this to you often and avoids your anger by talking his way out of the situation, you should be careful. He may even turn the tables on you and make you appear guilty.
Does he keep his word?
Are his promises empty? He promises you the stars but after all the sweet talk, you end up with nothing. After raising your hope to high heaven, you find yourself brought back down to earth with a thud. But until the final letdown, it was unbelievably good.
You want to believe desperately that he’s not at fault for what happened. You want to believe that he loves you and cares for you. You don’t want to accept that he’s not capable of love and he doesn’t care about your feelings or letting you down.
A man will treat you how he feels about you. How much ever you want him to love you, the truth is that he’s letting you down often. Actions speak louder than words. This is definitely not how a man in love would behave. But again, you may want to believe that he will change for the better.
But leopards can’t change their spots
People almost never change their behavior and habits. Either he’s incapable of changing his ways because of his circumstances or he’s not interested in changing. Does his reason for not changing really matter? Either way, it’s the same end result for you. He behaves in an unloving and uncaring way with you. It’s evident from his body language.
There’s no point in judging him as a human being. He may be nice to others. But that doesn’t help you in any way. As long as he is not treating you well, he’s not the right man for you.
The earlier you realize this, the better it is for you.
You’re low on his priority list
In a relationship, at least in the beginning, how he treats you is important. Typically, partners treat each other as top priorities and expect to be treated this way. He should set aside everything and everyone for you. However, things are just the opposite. For him, you’re not important at all. In other words, everything and everyone else is more urgent and invaluable than you.
Sometimes, it is understandable that he has to prioritize his work or his family. But at least sometimes, he should give you a top priority. If this is never happening, something is not right.
How to discern how he treats you?
How much is too much? How long should you tolerate before you sit up and take notice? These are questions that may plague you when you have suspicions about how he treats you.
Most of the time, your judgment may be clouded by your love for him and your wish for a happy and stable relationship with him. As a first step, you need to be honest with your feelings. Acknowledge and accept that he’s mistreating and disrespecting you. He’s always keeping you guessing about his thinking, feelings, and actions. You feel on the edge and unsure of yourself in his presence.
But you don’t need to go deeper and consider the reasons for his behavior. This is where most women go wrong. By getting into the whys of his behavior, you’re losing the plot. Just stick to the facts about his behavior. If you figure out how he treats you and the answer isn’t satisfactory, you can safely assume that he doesn’t love you or care enough about you.
Focus on self-love and self-care
If he’s not treating you well or giving you enough importance in his life, you should compensate for it by focusing more on your happiness and well-being. Treat yourself as the top priority.
You don’t need to put up with his disrespect and mistreatment. You are right in expecting to be treated with love, care, and respect. You deserve someone better. At least at times, he should make you a top priority and be willing to make a special effort to bring a smile to your face.
It all boils down to this – how he treats you is how he feels about you. As long as he’s not in love with you or cares enough about you, it’s bound to reflect on his words and actions. Even if he’s putting up a false front, it is hard to sustain in the long run. You will soon know his true colors.
What can you do about this?
How they treat you isn’t great. There’s no doubt that he needs to change, which is not easy to make happen. But on your part, you can take some steps to improve the situation.
1. Initiate a conversation with him
People always tend to resist change, especially if you ask them to and pressurize them to. So, the chances are low that you will succeed in changing him. But you can still try talking to him. When he becomes aware of how his behavior is affecting you, he may make slight adjustments in how he treats you, if he loves you.
2. Avoid histrionics
No matter how he treats you, train yourself to remain calm. There’s no point in blowing the fuse or making a scene. None of this is going to sway his mind and make him behave better. If this is the case, he would have treated you well in the first place. You can let him know how his actions and words are making you feel without losing your cool.
3. Listen when he’s talking
Once you finish telling him how you’re feeling, stop talking and listen. Let him say whatever he wants to without interruption. Not only that, you should learn the art of listening. Check out his body language. Try to understand what he’s trying to tell you instead of dismissing it right away without even listening to it. Probably, it’s nothing new, but you never can tell.
4. Set a timeframe
You need not tell him about this. You can fix a time limit for him to show a change in behavior. He may make promises but if he’s not following it through, there’s no point in you waiting for the change to happen forever. Setting a timeframe for this will make it easier for you.
5. Keep the breakup option open
Though this is heart-wrenching, you need to be pragmatic. If he refuses to change how he treats you, continuing in the relationship is detrimental to your well-being. There are better people out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
However, if you’re not able to walk away, accept the reality and avoid sugarcoating the situation. This may not be what you want, but you’re willing to accept it under the circumstances.
The Bottom Line
When your partner isn’t treating you well enough and all your effort to change his behavior isn’t succeeding, walking out of the relationship is your best option. This is inevitable if you love yourself. This is just a self-preservation strategy. When you assert yourself, you may finally witness the change in him you always wanted.
Remember that you should be able to hold your head high and love yourself when you see yourself in the mirror.
Also, just because this partner turned out to be a wrong choice and your relationship ended as a failure, this episode won’t affect your future. You may meet a man who’ll love and cherish you more than you ever dreamed of.