Recently you can sense some reticence in your girlfriend. You feel as if the girl you’re dating is cooling down and pulling away from you. You wonder whether this is just your imagination!
If you have been noticing this trend for some time, it cannot be the workings of your mind. Something is definitely up.
People do change over time, especially while dating. If her attitude toward you has changed, maybe something prompted her into action. But whatever it is, your girlfriend is acting distant and uninterested. You have noticed her pulling away from you often.
However, when you asked her about it, your girlfriend reiterated her love for you! So, what is all this about? Why is she acting this way? What does she expect from you? Your mind is whirling just thinking of this.
Is this how dating and relationships turn out after a while? You always thought that things are going to get better with time. Yes, there were some hiccups when you started dating. You worked on them together as a team and vanquished the demons. After that, you felt, it would be smooth sailing forever. You never expected a bump on the road like this one.
Is it the end of your dating? Is there anything you can do to make things better and as happy and peaceful as before? All you know and want is for both of you to be happy. You want to talk to her about it and get to the bottom of what is happening. But you are afraid that you may end up scaring her and pushing her further away from you.
If you’re feeling at your wit’s end that the girl you’re dating is acting distant, you have some good news. You can attempt certain things to make your girlfriend feel loved and at ease without exerting pressure.
Why is your girlfriend acting distant but saying she loves you? (With solutions)
Your girlfriend is saying something though her actions say something else. This may be due to one of these reasons.
1. She may be going through some personal problem
Do you think you’re seeing only one side of the picture? Are you considering your girlfriend only as your partner and forgetting that she’s an individual? Problems are an integral part of life and your girlfriend may be dealing with something personal.
Then, you may ask why she isn’t sharing her troubles with you. She may not want to trouble you with her problems and she may be thinking that she can handle it on her own without your help. Or she may even worry that you may take it in the wrong way.
What can you do: Make her feel loved and wanted. If she doesn’t want to open up to you about what she has been going through, let it be. Don’t pry too much. That will only make her more uncomfortable.
Use every opportunity to create a happy and relaxed atmosphere. Ensure that you maintain a positive tone in your talks and text messages. Don’t do anything to raise the stress level such as questioning her or acting clingy. Make sure your time together is fun and enjoyable for both of you.
2. She’s apprehensive about where the relationship is headed
The heady feeling of the initial days of dating won’t last forever. The euphoria is bound to abate at some time or the other. Now, you feel more settled in the relationship. This may have gotten your girlfriend thinking about the future.
Somehow your girlfriend isn’t feeling reassured about your future together. Maybe it’s her or you or the two of you combined. Whatever it is, the thoughts about the future are making her jittery and unsure. She may be finding it hard to decide whether to commit to the relationship or not.
Maybe she had her share of heartbreaks in the dating scene before she met you and is afraid that history will repeat this time as well. She may be trying to protect herself from harm and hurt emotions.
What can you do: Give her space and allow her to sort out her issues by herself. Be there for her. Try to lighten her mood by being calm and relaxed. Add fun and enjoyment to the atmosphere. Pep her up with positive talk and text messages.
She may even feel bold enough to open up to you. In short, be kind and understanding instead of aggravating the issue.
3. She’s seeing someone else
If this is true, it’s a bummer, for sure. The girl you’re dating may feel attracted to someone else but isn’t sure about it either. She is undecided about leaving you or staying with you. She may also be apprehensive about dating this other person. Or maybe she decided to leave you but is scared to break the news to you. She may feel stifled being with you. She may desperately want to leave though she doesn’t have the courage to take the step.
It’s clear from her dilemma that your girlfriend still loves you but isn’t feeling comfortable enough to be with you. Maybe she found someone more suitable for her. In this case, there is no point in holding on to her. It’s better for all concerned that you let her go.
What can you do: Don’t argue or reason out with her. Don’t even think about threatening her. The more you push your case, the more adamant she will become to leave you. This can only end in bitterness and an ugly breakup.
Make it clear to her that you love her but she’s free to make decisions.
4. She is feeling distant in the relationship
You don’t remember when was the turning point but now it is evident that she is not the same as before. She’s still saying all the right things but her actions reveal something else.
You are justified in feeling anxious about the relationship. You’re still dating but does she love you? Is she in love with someone else? Is she planning to leave you soon? These questions will be going around in your head, making you go crazy.
Just calm down. Ups and downs are natural in dating and relationships. And, you are now experiencing the lowest point in your dating life. Your relationship indeed can go either way at this point. But getting worked up about it is not helping.
What can you do: It’s clear that she has reached a breaking point and pushing her more will only do harm. Try to control your anxiety and offer her space to make up her mind. You can also test the waters to see if she’s ready for a conversation.
5. She’s seeking your attention
Another reason why your girlfriend is acting distant can be your disinterest and less involvement in her life. You may not be giving her the kind of attention she expects from you. This is causing disappointments to her multiple times a day. It’s hard to blame her for feeling this way even if her expectations about you are too much, first and foremost.
What can you do: Pay attention to how you behave with your girlfriend. Are you giving her your full attention when she’s talking? Are you showing enough interest in her and her life and the people she’s interested in? Or are you just expecting her to tag along with you?
No partner will feel happy to be treated this way. You need to make some drastic changes in the way you treat her.
6. She wants her space and me-time
It may be an alien concept to you that your partner wants some time alone and space away from you when you’re dating. You believe that as partners, you should spend all the time together, sharing activities. But this is not how a relationship should be. After all, your partner is primarily an individual.
Just like any other person, she needs her space and time alone. This may be to collect her thoughts and do her things. You need to understand that she is entitled to this in a relationship. If you think otherwise, you’re wrong.
What can you do: If space and time alone is what she wants, give her that. Give her the freedom to do what she wants. Once she’s happy and content, she will come back to you. Forcing her to be with you isn’t going to work long-term for you.
7. She expects you to love her with the same intensity as she loves you
Maybe she’s keeping her distance from you to see whether you miss her. She wants to know whether you care enough about her. Sometimes something you said or did may have sowed the seeds of doubt in her mind. She desperately wants you to step up and prove yourself. It’s torture for her to act distant from you. She’s still doing it to confirm your dedication to the relationship.
What can you do: Give her your complete attention whenever you’re together. Let her know in no uncertain terms that you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her. Support her in the pursuit of her dreams and goals. Invest more time in the relationship.
8. You may have hurt her unintentionally
You may not have done it purposely or may not even remember the incident. But something you told her or did to her hurt her so badly that she’s no longer sure about your future together. She’s hurt and confused; not a good combination in a relationship.
If this is the case, you need to give her space and time for processing her feelings and thoughts. Clearly, she’s not ready to talk it out with you now. Whenever she has processed her emotions and she’s ready, she will show interest in an open conversation. All you can do is wait for this moment.
What you can do: Be patient and keep your calm while she processes her feelings. Until she feels ready to talk to you, there’s not much you can do.
9. She may be spending more time with friends
It’s possible your girlfriend is acting distant because she’s been hanging out with her friends more often lately. When you’re around her and her friends, she may ignore you or pay less attention to you.
She may be going through a phase where she wants to strengthen her bonds with her girlfriends. Or maybe a close friend is going through a difficult time and needs her support.
Spending time apart is healthy in a relationship, and it’s important for partners also to nurture their other friendships. Her friends are likely not a threat to your relationship. If she’s still saying she loves you, try not to take it personally if she ignores you around her friends.
What you can do: Be supportive of her friendships outside of your relationship. Don’t make her feel guilty for spending time with her friends. Offer to meet up with her and her friends occasionally so you can get to know them too. Make plans for fun date nights, so she knows you still want quality time together as a couple.
The Bottom Line
Relationships can be heaven and hell at the same time. When your girlfriend is acting distant and disinterested, don’t jump to conclusions that it’s the end of the road for your relationship. With patience and the right approach, you can save your relationship from doom.
Communication is the key to happiness and longevity in a relationship. But sometimes if your girlfriend is not ready for a talk, all you can do is wait patiently while she processes her emotions. If you love her so much, it would be worth the wait.